Warning: Long story. Badly written. About gay molestation.
I wish I could have told this to someone in person first, just to get some pity. There's no one here now...
I read an article recently about Inverse Paranoia. In this, you think that whatever people do, they do it so that it's good for you, no matter what.
Now I'm a total paranoid. I'm suspicious of every person and their actions. I keep finding little mistakes and insults that they make to me and sort of 'live-record' moments. It's a good thing in a way, I can remember what people say years after it's said. I can't count the number of times when I remember what a person had said in the past but that person denied saying it later and even accused me of lying and 'taking advantage' of them. But I'm drifting away from the topic.
I as wondering about why I was such a paranoid and why I am so shy(which, incredibly, I seem to be getting over quite fast recently. Yay for me). One memory which I had completely forgotten came back to me. I remembered what had happened to me: I had been molested as a child.
Memories, feelings came rushing back. It explained so much. I couldn't believe it hadbeen locked away from myself by my head for so many years. I can't remember when it happened. But whatever happened, I remember in good detail. Here's the story, told in full:
It was a Sunday. A bright, summer sunday. It was the holidays. I was wearing my favorite matching blue t-shirt and shorts. I was really young(3rd grade?). My grandfather wanted 500 grams of white cement. So, my mother suggested sending me to get it, so that I could practice walking alone on the streets. It was my first time beyond that 'limit'. I was excited. I knew the route adn the shop, but I had never gone alone. I took the money and walked away confidently. My mother told me to be careful (while crossing the road).
I was walking by the side of a 'Main road' when a stranger, a big man, shaven, neatly cropped hair came and asked me where 13th cross(not sure) was. I was obviously perplexed: why would he ask a little kid? I wasn't sure, but I looked at the cross numbers and saw them decresing down the road- 17,16... I told it's obviously down the road(it was the direction I was going). So he said he wanted me to show me to the place. By then, I started doubting this man. Not of anything evil, but I thought he was a total fool. I walked with him for a while. He asked me where I was going; I told him. I kept an eye on the road signs.16.15.14...The road turned left. No 13. It was further away. But my route continued leftward and the shop was nearby. I told the man to go down the road. He said he was new and said he would come with me to the hardawre store instead. I was scared by then. At the store, I asked for the white cement. The store owner noticing that a kid was asking for cement, when a full grown, adult man was with asked whether the man was with me. To my surprise the fellow said,"Yes. I'm with him. I'm his uncle". I was now petrified. I had no idea what to do. I had heard stories of kids geting kidnapped and all. I wanted to telling the store owner I didn't know who that ass was, but I was too scared.
I went back with him and tried to make him go away by convincing him to go on his path. Instead he said,"Lets to a park and talk first. You are a very nice kid. After that you go home and I'll go to my place". I can remember my mind go-BUZZ, SCREECH. Everything just was blank. I was really scared. There were people everywhere, but I was too scared to shout for help. He led to a neraby park, near where he first came up to me. Took me inside and made me sit on a bench and he sat next to me. He asked me a few things, I can't remember what, i was too scared. I can clearly recall scanning the park for other people- there was an old couple, a dirty sleeping man, some women walking on the side roads. He then stopped asking/telling me whatever he was and then smiled.
The smile, It'll forever be stuck in my memory. It was a disgusting smile. And then he did something that forever changed me. He kissed me, on my mouth. He pulled me towards firmly and put his big mouth onto mine and forced my lips open. My teeth were sealed shut. I can still FEEL that slithering tongue licking my teeth and his dirty lips rubbing around my mouth. He was pushing into my mouth, almost forcing me to open it. At that time, I had no idea what the hell he was doing. He stopped after what felt like an hour. And gave that smile. What maddox calls the pedosmile(The similarity is incredible). It was a totally disgusting experience.
I was confused and scared. I wanted to run until I fell and still run anyway. He told me to meet me at the circle tommorow and I promptly said 'okay'. I never went there for many weeks. He took me close to my house and I foolishly even told where my house was. He left me out of eyesight from my house and went away.
After this incident, I've never been the same. I've been untrusting of everyone since. The weird thing is I had forgotten about this for such a long time.
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