Self esteem & happiness

I've just realized that to really enjoy life, one must feel good about oneself. It doesn't matter if that person is a cobbler or the world's most popular man if they feel themselves as shit. But scum who feel that they are good will perfectly enjoy their life no matter how terrible it is in other people's point of view.This point is so profound, I wish I had realized this earlier.

There are total rascals who seem to be completely happy with themselves, just because they do what they like. Most of us are drawn away by society and we start to do things that clearly aren't 'US'. Classic peer pressure. It's implicit. Everyone wears jeans, even if it isn't exactly comfortable(good jeans are comfy, btw). Most people are like sheep, they follow the herd. Anyway, that's not the point of this post.

It doesn't matter what you are doing as long as you are happy and that means you should feel good about yourself. There's absolutely no way you can be truly happy if you get up daily, thinking about how useless you are. It's impossible. Rather, even if you have a big load of shit to rake, but you are supremely confident about your ability, then you can rake all that shit, with a smile on the face even.

It's a darn shame I had to learn this the hard way.

PS: Blogging frequency will be low until around mid-August. :(

College Hunting

Long time since I've blogged but lately I've been pretty stressed out because of the whole college thing. The problem is that my parents don't want me to go to BITS, Pilani because it's far away but I won't get a technology related course in a good college which is close by. If I get a IT course in NIT, Surathkal I'm grabbing it.

Another thing getting to my nerves is that there are so many different things that I should be doing and I am not keeping track of them and I keep forgetting stuff. Some sort of amnesia maybe.

If theres one thing I'd like to see change in the Indian education system, it would be the admission. I'm so annoyed with having to have 6 billion different ranks and 6 billion counselling sessions each with a plethora of dropouts and reservations, it's absolutely confusing. I say just have ONE damn exam for ALL colleges WITHOUT ranks and just a SCORE. That would make life so simple and get rid of a lot of stress.

Random Thoughts

I stare at the piece of C++ code involing pointers and arrays that makes no sense to me. "Argument char* argv[] is a pointer to an array of char*? But char* blah[]={"as","bs"} is an array of char*...?". Then I'm told that we can't pass arrays, only their addresses. So we play with them differently(in different scopes). I could have finished this problem quickly. But I didn't. I have to understand it. It is imperative for my sanity.

My mother is online telling me how bad my ranks are in CAPS. She says I won't get admission in any good college in any good subjects, which are sadly the same things I like. But I don't care. I just know I'll end up fine after 4 years. It's just a gut feeling. Four years later everyone will shut up.

CET results are out. I haven't gotten a good rank. Not like it matters. I'm not interested in any of those colleges. As long as I'm not surrounded by arrogant, stupid, ridiculus folk, I'm fine in any decent college.

It's 11 AM. I get up around now. Now, it's 1 PM. Wait, it's actually 1AM. Day almost over already? What did I do so far?

I'm talking with a friend. He's the smartest fellow I personally know. "Any problems?" he asks. "Try mathschallenge.net", I reply. He's online on GTalk. "Great. I'm going to beat you", he says. I feel that familiar tinge of competition. The urge to be the best. A feeling I haven't felt in one and half years. And then it dies away. I hope I haven't toally become numb with all this meaningless studies. There's still hope, still hope.